A Short Short Oneshort involving the Medic
by Elred Bluegreen
Summary: And his Mighty Man of Meat. - - I need less spare time.


Author's note: Since people actually read these... for those just picking this up, I've been writing a series of Tf2 oneshots while my... other projects suffer from writers' lump. So far, the Sniper and Engineer have been covered... check them out on my profile, although it doesn't necessarily matter what order you read them in. Thanks for _REVIEWING, _by the way!

By the way, if you get squeamish about morbid corpse humor... you may want to skip this one.

"Hey there, Stuttgart!"

Jarred by the interruption, the German doctor's hands jerked, and caused the scalpel in his hands to slice deeply into the flesh of the corpse he had been 'working' on, spurting red blood onto his blue gloves. Surprise rapidly turned to frustration, and he spun around.

"What ze hell is wrong with you?" He demanded, glaring daggers at Scout, who was now staring at him curiously, "Mein Gotten, it says 'KEEP OUT' on the door!"

"What the hell is wrong with _you?_" Scout pointed at the operating table. "The hell are you even doin' in here? Buildin' a meatbag man or somethin'?"

"If you MUST know, this is much more... eh, sophisticated than a 'meatbag man,' schwachopf." The medic couldn't stay angry as he began to think about his 'meat man,' and Scout was somewhat disturbed that the insane German was... _giddy_, as he described it. Cautiously, he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"I have created Frankenstein, only... far greater than the author could ever imagine!" He continued, wrapping the cut that he had made on accident with a bandage, "Three times as strong as any human being alive! And this is just the beginning, as long as I can keep gathering suitable corpses! BLU will rule the world with these beautiful slaves fighting for it!"

To emphasize his point, he pressed a button on the operating table, which began to angle forward and shed light on the 'Frankenstein', which was BY FAR the most morbid thing Scout had ever laid eyes on.

"H... holy crap, it's got two faces!" He stammered, his pistol immediately in his hands and trained at the two-faced, filthy mutant bastard, which had been STAPLED and TAPED TOGETHER

"Zu schön für Worte..." Wiping a tear from his eye, the doctor continued, pressing another button. An ominous black box slowly rose from the floor, which he opened to produce... a pair of fuzzy slippers?

Before Scout could interject, the medic held up one finger to silence him, removed his gloves and shoes, slipped into the fuzzies, and proceeded to shuffle vigorously across the carpeted floor. After a minute, he came to a stop in front of the compound corpse, rose his finger again, and tapped it on the chest, causing a spark to jump into it.

"What... exactly..." Scout muttered.

"Ze actual recipe calls for a lightning strike," Medic sighed, putting his shoes and gloves back on, "but we're in the middle of the desert, gib mir eine..."

"Yuragh..." The corpse moaned, as it began to move. It didn't seem to have any idea... of anything, for that matter, as it began to strain the cuffs and anklets keeping it in place.

"Mein Gott... it's alive! It's... actually alive!" Like a child given a new toy, the medic began leaping about the room, cheering and laughing, "I did it! I did it! YES!" He was oblivious, however, to the fact that it had broken its restraints and begun moving.

"Uh, doc, it's walkin' towards me..." Scout said nervously, taking a step back. The meat man kept coming closer and closer... finally, Scout began shooting at it with his pistol.

"D... doc?" He screamed, "Get your meatsack under control here!"

"It's even more powerful than I had imagined!"

"Doc!" It was only then that Scout realized that the Medic wasn't helping... desperately, he began attempting to open the door, which was jammed shut. "Somebody! HELP..." As he turned, the last thing he saw was two grinning faces. "AUUGGH!"

Two dead bodies were all that were left of Scout and the insane Medic... what was never found, however, was the meatman, who was much, much smarter than he had appeared...


End file.
